All i really wanted was a simple kind of life
by xDark-And-Twistyx
Summary: A MerDer fic. Takes place after the episode 'Break on through' The day after Meredith and Derek's moment in the closet. Meredith wonders what it all meant to him but avoids him at the hospital. Can what Derek reveals to Meredith change everything..?
1. Honesty is the best policy Part 1

All I really wanted was a simple kind of life

Chapter 1 - Honesty is the best policy

Meredith slowly opened her eyes. The sound of banging on her bedroom door and mumbles of voices on the other side had awoke her from sleep. The golden morning sunshine glowed through the slight opening in the curtains. Meredith rolled over onto her side, as she lay still she tried to make out what the voices were saying. She knew that whoever was on the other side must be talking about her because every now and again she could hear her name being said.

"Mer, if you tell us what's actually wrong instead of repressing it all into some deep, dark, twisted place…we could help you" This was Cristina, her person it had to be. She looked back over to Izzie.

"Yeah, no good can come from staying in bed…don't you dare say you're fine because I can't deal with you when you say that!" Izzie shouted, she leaned slightly against the door.

Meredith pulled the pillow firmly over her head and closed her eyes shut. Opening them again she started to remember what had happened the day before with Derek in the closet. It was after she had let her patient go, she hadn't handled it well. Sitting up straight in bed, she gradually slid the covers from off of her. As she gazed into the dusty mirror on her wall, Meredith realised she had slept in yesterdays clothes. She looked a mess, Her hair was all out of place it was like she had been dragged through a bush and back again. Meredith turned the handle on the door and opened it. Izzie and Cristina stood opposite her.

"So, you are alive then" Izzie smiled, trying and pretty much failing to make conversation.

Meredith starred right through her and started to make her way down the hallway. Izzie turned to Cristina and shrugged her shoulders. Following Meredith down to the kitchen, Izzie and Cristina were talking quietly amongst themselves.

"You can do the talking" Izzie said to Cristina, watching closely where she was stepping as they went down the narrow stairway.

"What? No, I'm never good at that part its like…like talking to the dead" Cristina pointed out.

"Well, then what are we supposed to do?" Izzie grabbed a hold of Cristina's arm. "Shouldn't we like…take it in turns to speak or something?"

"Its what we usually do, nothings changed since last time this happened" Cristina took Izzie's hand away from her arm "Believe me…if you touch me again I will have to pound on you"

……………………………….

Meredith, Izzie and Cristina were all sat around the circular kitchen table. For quite awhile there was silence, you could even hear the birds whistling outside. Meredith was sat still, she hadn't blinked once, neither had she drank any of the coffee Cristina had made her. She had her fingers knotted through each other and her legs crossed underneath the table. Izzie looked across at Cristina and sighed.

"We had a moment" Meredith finally spoke up in a soft, gentle voice. She pushed the coffee cup away from her.

"We…meaning?" Izzie asked, she thought she knew but just incase she was infact wrong, it was better to ask.

"Derek…Me and Derek, I was upset" Meredith leant back in her chair.

"You had a McMoment? What happened?" Cristina asked, she turned to face Meredith.

"I was breaking down…and Derek, he…he was there in the closet with me and being dreamy and all he…was calming me down" Meredith explained the answer to Cristina's question.

"So… you, McDreamy in the closet… im listening" Cristina pulled herself closer to the table.

"Is that it?" Izzie crossed her arms "That was your moment?"

"No, you know when someone looks into your eyes but they don't say anything. The perfect moment? Where the room falls silent? Do you ever feel that they're telling you that they love you?" Meredith asked, she looked at Izzie then back to Cristina. "Because that's what it felt like to me…unless im just crazy or something and knowing me I probably am" Cristina and Izzie just gazed at each other "Okay…one of you has got to say something, Cristina have you ever had that with Burke?"

"Sure, but he actually used words" Cristina answered.

"Mer…I don't think that you're crazy. I believe you can have that with someone" Izzie swapped seats and sat next to Meredith.

"God tinkerbell you are such a true romantic…it makes me sick" Cristina said in a sarcastic tone.

"Seriously Izzie! If I hadn't of walked away there would have been definite kissing"

"But…isn't that what you want?" Izzie raised her eyebrows.

"No what I want is Isabella freakin' Rossellini to just get out of our lives" Meredith snapped at Izzie.

Izzie gave Cristina a confused look.

"She means Addison" Cristina put her straight and nodded her head.

"Do you really think he loves her?" Izzie asked.

"No I honestly don't, but who did he pick when I gave him the choice?" Meredith placed her head down on the table.

………………………………...

In the locker room at the hospital. Meredith was tightly tying up the laces of her shoes. She was sat in a small space on her own. Alex, George, Cristina and Izzie were stood not too far away from her.

"Is she okay?" George asked, firmly closing the door on his locker.

"Dude, when is she ever?" Alex answered smirking at his comment. Izzie playfully hit him "Ow, what was that for?"

"Meredith is our friend and she is dark and twisty…its our job to be comforting so you just cant go around saying things like that" Izzie said.

"But, he's Alex" George smirked.

"Ha Bambi…since when do you stick up for evil spawn?" Cristina chuckled, she pulled the stethoscope around her neck.

Izzie gradually walked over to where Meredith was sat "Have you decided what you're going to do about it yet?"

Meredith looked up at Izzie "Yeah…nothing"

"What aren't you even going to ask Derek if it meant anything to him?" Izzie pulled her hair back into a neat bun.

"Nope, he has a wife…don't you think ive done enough damage to their marriage? I'm the dirty mistress…think about that" Meredith got up, she found herself leaning against her locker.

"Well he isn't exactly doing much to save his marriage because he still loves you! And you even said this morning that it felt like he was showing you through his eyes" Izzie reminded her.

"Forget it Iz, I'm not doing this anymore…I am done being that woman" Meredith sighed.

"Can I ask you this one thing…do you love him?" Izzie asked.

Meredith didn't answer she just looked away.

………………………………..

Close to afternoon, Meredith was walking through the murky corridors entering the nurses station she picked up a chart and then carried on walking. Focusing her eyes on the chart she was hardly taking any notice at all as to where she was going. All Meredith knew was that she was eager to find Dr.Burke to reveal the results of their patients labs. Coming to a sudden stop, Meredith looked around her. Someone was calling her name in the distance. She turned around slightly. There he stood her McDreamy. Meredith mumbled to herself under her breath "Oh god" almost dropping the chart, she started walking faster than she was before hand. Her heartbeat racing. She had nowhere to run to, hearing a load of commotion she looked ahead. The elevator. She ran towards it, hoping to escape Derek. Hiding in the elevator wasn't such a good idea. As the doors started to close, he slid himself through the opening. Meredith told herself not to make eyes with him, she looked into the space in front of her then up towards the numbers. Heavily breathing in and out, Meredith clutched tightly onto the chart in her arms. In need to break the awkwardness Derek pushed the emergency stop button and moved himself in front of Meredith. He sighed, Meredith still said nothing. Still looking upwards.

"So, not speaking to me now? What have I supposed to have done?" Derek broke the silence "Mer? I thought we were friends"

"I…I don't think I can be just friends with you" Meredith spoke up, still not making eye contact.

"Well, what made you change your mind? Was it something I did because I could fix it…If you'll let me" Derek smiled, the same McDreamy smile which would always get Meredith in a twirl.

"No its stupid…im stupid just…just forget it!" Meredith snapped, finally giving in and looking straight at him.

"I don't think you're stupid infact no one does" Derek said, crossing his arms.

"Really? Well it doesn't matter because its still a stupid thing I keep thinking of and I know how its going to turn out I don't need to talk to you about it like everyone is telling me too…really I don't" Meredith too crossed her arms. "Don't look at me like that, its exactly my point whenever you do that my head goes all cloudy...You've got a wife and let me just say this, she's not easy to hate" Derek let out a little laugh. "This is not funny!"

"No I know…I wasn't laughing at that its just when you mentioned my wife, Mer look at me…Meredith, when you gave me a choice to make, I…I chose wrong. It wasn't until just lately that I realised" Derek sighed, he looked at Meredith.

Meredith froze up. She had fell silent once again, just as she had back at home. The only movement she made was to push the stop button to get the elevator to start again. As it stopped and the doors opened, she stepped out. Derek studied her closely. She had forgotten where she was supposed to be heading. It was like she was lost.


	2. Honesty is the best policy Part 2

Chapter 2- Honesty is the best policy (Part.2 Derek's point of view)

Derek was stood in the kitchen of his small, cramped up trailer. He was making breakfast, cutting up some sort of fish which he had been out and caught himself. Fresh from the wild. It was silent, pretty much as you would expect a place which is located in the middle of nowhere to be. Addison was in one of the other rooms moaning about something or other in the background, not that he was paying the slightest bit of attention to her. His mind was on something else. Meredith and what happened the day before. It's all he could think about. Grabbing a plate from out of the cupboard, Derek walked over to the table and started to eat. Addison stormed out of the bedroom and sat herself down on the chair opposite to her husband.

"I've had it with this trailer! Theres no space to move, everything is a mess!" She sighed and looked across the table at Derek.

"You didn't have to move in here you know Addi, it's not like you didn't know what it would be like" Derek argued back.

"You asked me to move to Seattle… you remember?" Addison sat back in her chair and crossed her arms.

"Yes I remember, but what I didn't say was to move into the trailer" Derek started to eat once again.

"Where did u expect me to go? You asked me to come out here and I did that, its not like you did what I asked you to do…you're still speaking to Meredith" Addison got up and moved over to the stove, she looked around "You haven't even made me any"

"You don't like trout" Derek put his plate firmly in the sink and walked into another room.

………………………

Not so long after, at the hospital Derek walked out of the o r, he was wiping down his hands with the paper. Chucking it calmly into the bin, Derek carried on walking. He spotted Cristina strolling through the nurses station. Derek waited until she had disappeared round the corner, then he sped up, following her steps. Cristina stopped noticing that someone was behind her, she turned round to be faced by Derek. Giving him a weird look she continued to walk. Derek grabbed her arm and pulled her to the side.

"What?" Cristina shouted, abit to loudly but whatever. Nobody's heads even turned.

"Hows Meredith today? I haven't seen her, she okay?" Derek asked her, he crossed his arms.

"I don't know" Cristina lied, putting her notepad safely back into her pocket of her lab coat.

"What do you mean you don't know? You're her best friend" Derek reminded her.

"Yeah well maybe I just didn't want to discuss it with you" Cristina turned to go, but it only resulted in her getting pulled back.

"Why not me?" Derek wondered.

Cristina looked at him as if to say, does that question really need answering? "Because…it might not even be to do with you, it could be none of your business! Now are we done?" Cristina asked him, she raised her eyebrows.

"Yeah" He answered uncrossing his arms. Cristina walked away. "I will find out" He said, raising his voice just a little. Cristina looked back "Okay…" she said sarcastically. Derek smiled to himself, then walked back the way he was coming. As he turned the corner Addison appeared on the other side. His smile soon faded.

"Hey" Addison chirped up. "About this morning, I'm so…" she went to say.

"Not now Addi, ive got a patient I've got to see too" Derek moved her slightly to the side and carried his journey and went into a ward.. Addison sighed and watched him go, then she too walked away but in the opposite direction, up the stairs.

………………………………...

After a couple of hours of working. Derek was walking through the murky corridors. He was listening to his ipod, but only using one headphone. He hadn't been walking for too long and had just reached the nurses station. Handing a chart into one of the nurses, Derek looked ahead of him. He saw Meredith, It was weird how he hadn't been able to find her all day and just now she was heading the same way that he was. Derek could notice her anywhere from a mile off. He had to do something before she disappeared. Although he couldn't bring his legs to run, so without thinking he started to shout her. Everybody at this point had looked up and stopped what they was doing, looking at Derek. He didn't care. Meredith stopped and turned herself, just for a second to see who it was that was shouting her. Derek was relieved that she had noticed him, but he wasn't sure what was going to happen next. He had sort of forgotten. It was Meredith that made the next move, about five minutes of just standing still like the statue of liberty. She started to walk much faster than she was before hand. Seeing that she was heading for the elevator Derek ran towards it and just made it through the gap in the door. He didn't want her to escape from him so he reached out and pushed down the stop button. Derek sighed, Meredith wasn't wanting to make eye contact with him.

"So, not speaking to me now? What have I supposed to have done?" Derek broke the silence "Mer? I thought we were friends"

"I…I don't think I can be just friends with you" Meredith spoke up, still not making eye contact.

"Well, what made you change your mind? Was it something I did because I could fix it…If you'll let me" Derek smiled, hoping to be all charming.

"No its stupid…im stupid just…just forget it!" Meredith snapped, now looking straight at him.

"I don't think you're stupid infact no one does" Derek said, crossing his arms.

"Really? Well it doesn't matter because its still a stupid thing I keep thinking of and I know how its going to turn out I don't need to talk to you about it like everyone is telling me too…really I don't" Meredith too crossed her arms. "Don't look at me like that, its exactly my point whenever you do that my head goes all cloudy...You've got a wife and let me just say this, she's not easy to hate" Derek let out a little laugh. "This is not funny!"

"No I know…I wasn't laughing at that its just when you mentioned my wife, Mer look at me…Meredith, when you gave me a choice to make, I…I chose wrong. It wasn't until just lately that I realised" Derek sighed, he looked at Meredith. She had yet again fell silent and moved forward so she could push the stop button. Derek understood that she must've wanted to get out of there. As it stopped and the doors opened, Meredith stepped out. Derek watched her, until the doors closed. He was so glad he had finally told her how he really feels. The only thing he had to do was end it with Addison, now this he was dreading. Derek placed his hand on the side wall of the elevator and sighed.


	3. Break ups and Wake ups

Chapter 3 – Break Ups and Wake ups

Meredith was sat at the desk in the nurse's station, thinking about what Derek revealed to her. It was where she had been hiding out for the past hour or so. She didn't even answer her pager when it had started to beep. She had taken it off of her lab coat and shoved it onto the hard, shiny desk in front of her. The second time it beeped it didn't even manage to make her blink. She was way to busy thinking of Derek yet again, twice in a day. Why couldn't she just not think of him? She had wondered to herself. It's not like she was his girlfriend. But that was the thing she wanted to be that girl. 'I chose wrong' kept on replaying itself inside her head. What did he mean? She wasn't quite so sure. She rested her head on the desk, placing her pager to one side. She was tired. Hadn't gotten a wink of sleep the night before, because of thinking about the whole closet drama. Now she had something else to think about. She hated thinking. It's all she did. Think…think think! Interrupting her thoughts someone coughed in front of her. Meredith looked up.

"Dr.Grey I've been paging you. I was just wondering if you were ever planning on bringing me Mr.Smiths results back from the lab" Dr.Burke said, standing tall in front of her.

Meredith got up out of the chair she had been practically glued to. She looked around her until she found the lab results. She forced a smile onto her lips and handed them over. "I'm sorry I got held up"

"Doing what? You're my intern you do what I tell you, did someone else give you orders Dr.Grey?" Dr. Burke asked her looking up from the labs. He intended to know where she had been the last hour and a half.

"No sir" Meredith thought to herself, it probably wasn't the best answer. But it was much better than lying to her attending, her best friends boyfriend.

"Well okay then, next time I send you off to get some lab results I expect you to get right back to me with them… do you have a problem with that?" Dr.Burke looked Meredith in her eyes. He knew he couldn't be too harsh on her seeing that he is dating her friend.

"No sir" Meredith smiled coldly.

Dr.Burke smiled back. He turned way from her and was gone within seconds. Meredith sat herself back down. She was a little surprised he hadn't put her on call for the night. Now that would've made her feel even crappier than she already felt. She was so wrapped up in Derek that she had forgotten to take the labs back to Dr.Burke. If Dr.Bailey would've found out she was pretty sure that she'd be dead by now. Meredith started to tap her fingers on the desk, watching them as they danced. Why did her life have so much crap in it? She needed to get out of the hospital. Yeah her shift was already over but she couldn't be bothered to move. She needed drink. Joe's was perfect.

……………………..

Derek had just arrived back home, to the trailer. He had too been thinking. Not of Meredith for once but of how he was going to break up with Addison. He kept thinking of how she would take it, what she would do when he told her. It wasn't going to be at all easy. Addison had been his wife, his family for 11 years. They had been happy. Well right up until the point when she jumped into bed with his best friend. It had changed everything. Derek sighed; he grabbed the door handle and turned it to the right, gently. This was it. Addison was in the kitchen, attempting to make dinner. It didn't smell too great, Derek thought. As she turned from pushing something into the oven, she spotted Derek.

"Hey! I thought since we argued... Well had a little disagreement... that I would make you some dinner" Addison smiled and then she kissed Derek on the cheek. She didn't know what was coming at all.

"Yeah… Erm we need to talk" Derek told her.

She could see that it wasn't going to be good "Are you okay?"

"We have to end this…" Derek said, getting it out of him.

"End what? Living in the trailer? Oh thank god... you can take a hint…" Addison clasped her hands together.

"No... Us we have to end it" Derek repeated.

"I… I don't understand" Addison looked up from the floor to Derek.

"For gods sake Addi... I'm putting an end to it... is it really that difficult to understand? You're not dumb you're a freakin' surgeon!" Derek yelled, as a surprise to her. It was the first time in ages that she had heard him like this "So get your shit and go!"

"Go? What the hell has gotten into you Derek?" Addison crossed her arms. "Is this about Meredith?"

Derek looked at Addison "I chose wrong… I don't want you"

"Well heres a news flash for you. You left me before and regretted it. I'm not going anywhere" Addison stormed over to the table and sat down in the chair, refusing to leave.

"Then, I'll just have to go and stay at Meredith's until you do leave" Derek shouted, then he thought to himself. They weren't quite back together yet so that was kind of impossible.

"So... you've told her? You're already back together?" Addison raised an eyebrow at Derek.

"I told her and I'm giving her space" He thought that's what he'd done. He stopped to think about whether she was thinking about him.

"And what if she rejects you? You'll come running back to me… like always. Not leaving!" She kept telling him.

Derek hadn't thought about the possibilities of her not wanting him. "You don't even like the trailer Addi!"

"You don't love her, you love me! That's what the ring represents. The ring Derek" Addison stormed back over to Derek, flashing her wedding ring in front of his face.

Derek grabbed her wrist and pulled it away from his face. "Don't go to the ring!"

Addison had winced in pain. He didn't mean to be violent about it.

"What happened to the time you thought I was the love of your life?" Addison asked.

"You want to know what happened? What happened was that you had sex with my best friend!" Derek had started to yell again.

"Yes and you walked away" Addison argued back.

"I walked away and I met Meredith" Derek turned away from her. Putting his thoughts back onto Meredith.

"Tell me something. If you've always loved her how come you chose me? See you don't even have an answer" Addison laughed to herself. She had tears forming in her eyes, but she fought them back.

Derek turned back to her. "JUST GO!" he grabbed Addison by her hands, and literally threw her out the door. She crawled on her knees, onto the grass and bawled her eyes out.

"You really are an ass you know that?" She had managed to choke through her tears. Looking down at her hands which were now all muddy, and her tights had a massive ladder in them. "Screw you!"

…………………………..

It hadn't taken Meredith long to get to Joe's as it was only across the street. She strolled over the road and entered through the dusty doors. The smell of Alcohol and Smoke filled the air. Looking ahead of her she noticed that all of her friends… apart from George as he was on call… were already there, sat at the bar. A smile, only a little one appeared on her face as she walked over to them. She sat herself down in the empty seat in the middle of Izzie and Cristina.

"Hey" Meredith said, she sighed.

Cristina hadn't noticed her presence she was so quiet. "Oh hey... you okay you look like crap"

"Is it about this morning? Because you seemed okay at lunch" Izzie asked, taking a sip from her drink.

Meredith knew that she had been okay. But that was all before the 'I chose wrong' she looked up at Joe as he poured her a tequila shot. "No…It…it's not well it is a little but it's different"

"So, it's about McDreamy? What has he said now?" Cristina mumbled, as if it wasn't a surprise to her.

"Nothing… except from 'Meredith I chose wrong' he cornered me in the freakin' elevator" Meredith explained, she took a sip from her half full glass.

"What? He told you those exact words?" Cristina asked.

"He…Yeah" Meredith answered.

"Seriously? This is great! He's doing what you said you wanted, he's breaking up with Addison" Izzie started to squirm with excitement in her seat. Cristina rolled her eyes at her, putting her to a stop.

"You don't know that, this has happened before… countless times" Meredith shifted her position.

"Wake up Mer…He's the love of your life!" Izzie yelled, turning herself to Meredith. She shook her head.

Cristina slammed her glass onto the bar "Jesus Tinkerbell, this is McDreamy were talking about!" she too turned to Meredith "Mer… you shouldn't get your hopes up. We all know the guys a jackass"

"You know what? Don't listen to her. You'll be okay" Izzie drank the rest of her drink.

"Yeah I know... perfectly fine" Meredith nodded her head and took another sip.

Alex who had been sat the other side of Izzie had now decided to have his say "You should just screw him already, and then all your troubles are over" Izzie slapped him, just as she had back at the hospital that morning. "Ow! God woman! How come every time I speak I get hit?"

"You're being inappropriate" Izzie replied. She looked at Meredith who was staring into space. "Mer… you are going to be okay, aren't you?"

Snapping out of her daydream she looked at Izzie. "Don't worry about it Iz, I'll be fine"

"Dude stop saying that your fine…it doesn't even sound like a word anymore" Alex said as himself and Cristina went over to the dart board.

Meredith sighed "But I am Fi…okay" She said changing her word rather quickly.

"I know you are" Izzie smiled, she took her friends hand. "It'll happen just you wait"

Meredith smiled back at Izzie. Then ordered herself another shot. She desperately wanted to be fine but deep inside she knew she wasn't. She hoped it would all get better. She just didn't know how.

……………………………..

Addison was still… but now led… on the damp, cold grass. She had told herself she couldn't stay there all night, as much as she wanted too. She should probably get herself into a hotel and sleep, how she was going to face work tomorrow she hadn't figured out just yet. She stood up straight and looked around her; she hadn't even got her stuff. But she couldn't face Derek when he was like this. Great she thought. Walking over to the trailer she stood quite far away from the door.

"Okay I give up… I'll go I just… I need my stuff" Addison shouted, hoping Derek would hear.

He did. Derek opened the door and chucked everything of Addison's out onto the grass where she had just been led. Slamming the door, he went back inside. He lay on his bed, his phone in his hands. Anxious with whether he should ring Meredith or not. All he wanted was her to know he had broken up with Addison for good. He knew he should've done it ages ago and felt bad for putting Meredith through everything that he had done in the past year. Why did he have to hurt her so badly? It hurt him looking back on it. He needed to sort it and planned to do so the next day at work.


	4. All this confusion

Meredith was lying on her side, in the bathroom where she had spent the whole night before vomiting. She had given up going to bed, one of the main reasons being that every time she tried to sleep, she would have to make a run for it to the toilet. So she decided her best bet would be to camp out on the bathroom floor. Her sleepy eyes slowly widened and she clenched onto her stomach. Pushing herself up onto all fours, she crawled over to the toilet and threw up once again. She sighed and sat with her back up against the wall. Running her hand through her hair, getting it all out of her face. In all of her life since she had started drinking, it had never ever affected her as much as this before. She couldn't quite get her head around why this time was different to usual. But it had to be the reason. What else could the sickness be? There was a little knock on the door, followed by Izzie entering with a fresh glass of water. Meredith titled her head so she was facing her.

"Morning I got you some water" Izzie smiled, placing it in the window sill.

"Ugh... Thanks" Meredith answered, trying her best to reach for the glass but failing.

"You feel any better? You're going to be able to work today?" Izzie asked, she started to brush her teeth.

"Iz… please don't do that, the smell of the toothpaste is just ugh… making me nauseous" Meredith said. "I'll make it to work okay, I have too… plus I'll probably be fine later right?"

"Yeah, sure if it's just a hangover" Izzie placed her toothbrush back into the window. "Where are you expecting me to do my teeth?"

"Wherever… I don't care okay, just not in here right now" Meredith snapped.

"Okay cranky… Me and George will just walk to work, and you can take the car when you're ready" Izzie moved forwards to leave.

"Were walking now?" George opened the door and looked up at Izzie. "Walking??"

"Yes George… walking, no need to over react" Izzie looked at him.

"You guys don't have to walk… I'll drive you" Meredith said, attempting to get up.

"No you won't… were walking. But Meredith just don't be too late okay? Bailey will snap you like a twig" Izzie warned her, walking out of the bathroom.

Meredith looked down as the sound of the door shutting, hammered through her head. She stood up slowly. Feeling dizzy she put her hand on the wall to steady herself. Izzie was right. Being late would not make her in anyway at the top of Bailey's good books. Realising this, Meredith hurried out of the bathroom to get ready.

……………………

Meredith had been stuck in traffic for 20 minutes, or even more. A road had been cut off because of some stupid jerk that had decided to try and overtake and now the police had arrived. But hadn't done anything about the traffic jam. This was making Meredith even more late. Being in the stuffed up car wasn't exactly best either for how she was feeling. Her phone began to ring, frantically in her jeans pocket. After struggling to get it out, fighting with the seatbelt she finally got to it.

"Hello" She answered, keeping her eyes on the cramped road in front.

"Mer... where the hell are you?" Cristina replied, gliding the chair from right to left.

"Er… I don't know, in the car somewhere got stuck in a freakin' traffic jam. Has Bailey noticed im not there…wait don't answer stupid question I know" Meredith sighed. _I'm so screwed. _She mumbled under her breath.

"You okay? Because yeah you don't sound it" Cristina asked.

"No I'm not okay… Alright? Ugh Cristina I think I need you to come pick me up" Meredith said, panicking.

"What? I'm busy…I've got patients" Cristina looked around.

"You're talking on the phone" Meredith answered.

"That's not the point; I can't just leave in the middle of my shift" Cristina yelled.

"Ouch… Please I can't drive im sick" Meredith pleaded. "I shouldn't of friggin got in the car…just please I'll do anything you want"

…………………….

A couple of hours had passed. Cristina had successfully found Meredith and driven her in to work. Meredith had already had her fingers chopped off by Bailey and for being late she had been on scutt the entire morning. She had met all the others in the basement for lunch.

"Hey… I've been working with the she-shepherd all morning and she hasn't smiled once" Alex gossiped to the rest.

"Really? Maybe shes not a smiley type of woman" George wondered, looking into thin air.

"Alex… You're so right something's not right today. I was in surgery just now with her hubby and he didn't seem happy at all" Izzie continued with the gossip.

"McDreamy? Happy? Tinkerbell you make me laugh" Cristina smirked.

"Meredith…" Izzie went to carry on.

"What? I… huh?" Meredith sighed.

"I was just going to say, did you hear anything from Derek? I mean come on face it... something's going on and he did hint he was breaking it up" Izzie smiled.

"Do we have to talk about this? Today?" Meredith asked. "Infact I can't stand the smell of all the food, so I'm just going now" She slammed her tray down and stormed out.

"Should I go see if shes okay?" George asked the rest.

Alex shook his head "Not now dude"

"I think shes just stressed with all this McDreamy stuff" Izzie said, taking some of the salad off of Meredith's plate.

"I agree" Alex smiled, doing the same.

…………………….

After being sick for at least three times, Meredith had started to get fed up of the day. One of the crappiest days yet of her internship. She chose to sit in the dark on her own in the on call room. She was so stupid for actually thinking that she would get better. And for coming into work. Getting stuck in the traffic jam. She wished she would've just stayed at home. Her pager started to bleep, loudly. Annoying her so much that she accidentally broke the back on it. Walking out of the room, she bumped into Cristina.

"Hey, I have been paging you… you look like crap maybe we should get you checked over" Cristina suggested, placing her hand over her friends forehead.

"I do not need checking over" She lowered herself so her mouth was level with Cristina's ear "Its Addison's duty" she whispered.

"Satan doesn't have to do it, I could do it" Cristina smiled.

"No okay... I'm so perfectly fine" Meredith leaned against the wall.

"Oh no…don't start the fine, no one ever believes it anymore… trust me" Cristina linked arms with Meredith so they were away from everyone. "You could just go home"

"Oh yeah, as if Bailey is going to let me go home... I was late" Meredith reminded her.

"You want to go home Grey?" Dr.Bailey piped up behind them.

"I…Uh…." Meredith struggled.

"Yes she does, I recommend bed rest" Cristina helped out.

"Fine… You go home and you better get your ass back all shiny and new tomorrow Grey…early too" Dr.Bailey hesitated and walked off.

……………………….

Meredith had been home for ages. Attempting to sleep on the couch. There was a knock on the front door. Ignoring it at first, pulling the pillow over her head. After a few more continuous knocks, she got up and marched over to the door. It was Derek. In a shock, she froze just standing in front of him at the door. Derek stood tall with his hands neatly in his pockets.

"Hey…" He smiled making the first move. "May I come in?"

"I… Sure, if you want to" Meredith stepped out of the way, allowing him in.

"Okay then…" Derek sat himself down on the couch. It was like he fitted in perfectly. Like he once had.

"Wha…What are you doing here?" She sat herself next to him.

"I heard you were sick, so I thought I'd come see you" Derek smiled.

"Thanks… that's nice" She smiled back.

"So I um… I told Addison it was over" Derek said calmly.

"I know… Well I actually don't know but there were rumours" Meredith sat back.

"I think maybe I was a little harsh, some of the things I said… I lost my temper" Derek explained truthfully.

"You should apologise if it bothers you that much" Meredith said.

"In time, I guess I will" Derek answered.

"I'm sorry I froze up... in the elevator yesterday" Meredith fiddled with her fingers.

"That's okay, don't worry. I realise that you need time… it's a lot to take in, I can wait for you… your worth it" Derek faced her.

"Yeah... lots of time, everyone seems to think im sick because im stressed about it all but im sure its not. It's… I'm an intern… you can pick up all sorts from hospitals" Meredith sat forward.

"Yeah well, I hope your better soon… I should go" Derek stood up.

"You don't have to really, i…I'm on my own you could stay… talk" Meredith smiled.

"Anything you want" Derek smiled, and sat back down.

It was nice actually talking to him like this. She missed it. She knows she loves him but she just hasn't got a clue how to show it. The sickness, she had an idea what it could be. She just needed her friends to get back. To help her out.


	5. Truth, Lies & Great news

Chapter 5 – Truth, Lies and Great news

"Seriously? Meredith you're telling me you think you might be pregnant?" Izzie asked, leaping up from where she had been sat on the bathroom floor.

All three girls were cramped up in Meredith's small bathroom. She had called Cristina round, and woken Izzie up before George was up. She knew it was really early, but she didn't want to risk George finding out.

"Don't be such a drama queen tinkerbell, she said to keep our voices down" Cristina reminded her, also standing up. "Go find Peter and Wendy... and fly back to Netherlands"

"I'm freakin' out here guys!" Meredith snapped, leaning against the sink.

"Listen... You are probably wrong; I mean how's your sickness today? Has… has it eased?" Izzie asked calmly.

"It comes and goes... yeah like every now and again" Meredith explained.

"She's so pregnant" Cristina said sarcastically.

"You're not helping" Meredith pointed at her.

"Yeah... your suppose to say nice things" Izzie said.

"Well... I'm not a nice person" Cristina smirked. "Meredith you're a doctor do the maths yourself"

Izzie turned her back to Cristina "Have you even taken the test?"

"No... I was going too, I suppose... I should" Meredith nodded. Izzie looked at her. "Not now Iz, you think I'm going to let you watch me pee?"

All three of them went downstairs in silence; George was in the kitchen making French toast. He had perhaps heard them chattering in the bathroom and decided to get up a little early. As the only male in the household, he was usually the first to shower and all that kind of stuff.

"Damn it!" George yelled as he somehow dropped the toast onto the floor, he turned and walked into the living room. "Ah great... You're done in the bathroom, what took you so long?"

"Nothing" Izzie answered, she smiled.

"Mer… did McDreamy… did he stay over here last night?" Cristina asked.

"No… why?" Meredith went over to her.

"So how come his jackets on your couch?" Cristina turned to her friend, rasing her eyebrows.

"Because! Um... he was here" Meredith looked up at Cristina. "He didn't sleep the night!" she said quickly.

"What did you do... kick him out of bed?" Izzie giggled.

"No I said... he didn't stay over!" Meredith had started to slowly go red.

"Right, gotcha" Cristina winked.

"Yeah... I think you should go now" Meredith smiled; she didn't want them to know the truth. Yes she lied. But he had only stayed to look after her. Nothing even happened. So they slept in the same bed, she was fully dressed when she woke up and YES he was still up there in her room right now. Big deal!

"Meredith... I live here too" Izzie whined.

"Let me get this straight. You asked me over… and now you're chucking me out?" Cristina got up from sitting on the couch.

"No ... Infact I was just making sure you got to work early so you can steal all the good cases" Meredith lied again. Wow. That was pretty good thinking.

"Seriously? You really do that? I want in" Izzie looked at Cristina.

"Then you go too" Meredith smiled to herself. Great way to get rid of them both.

"Wait that's not fair" Cristina crossed her arms firmly. "It's my thing"

"Then you're just going to have to beat me there" Izzie went to the door.

"Oh you're on" Cristina chased after her, out of the door and down the drive.

Now what about George? Meredith was sure that whilst he was in the shower she had time to get Derek out of the house. She rushed upstairs, almost tripping on every step she took. Creeping into her bedroom and onto the bed, pretending she had been there all along. She led there watching Derek sleep, listening to him breathing, taking every bit of him in. It started to make her sleepy too. She gently took his hand, threading her fingers through his and pulled herself closer to him. She loved him so much, just never had the courage to tell him. Time would stand still whenever she was with him.

………………………

After a quiet 15 or so minutes. Meredith had fallen deeply to sleep. Derek however was just beginning to wake up. Opening his eyes, he looked at Meredith. It felt so right waking up next to her. It didn't feel weird spending the night in the same bed, with no sex, just different. Leaning in towards her, he kissed her forehead causing her to stir, she didn't wake up. He knew they'd be late for work if they didn't get up, but he didn't want to wake her. She looked so incredibly cute. Five minutes later. Derek sighed; damn she was a heavy sleeper. He replaced a piece of her golden hair back into place. Meredith blinked, her eyes widening. He'd made her jump.

"I'm sorry... I didn't mean to startle you" He smiled at her lovingly. The McDreamy smile.

"What? You didn't" She smiled back, looking at him.

"You know, we should probably get up… we have to be at work in like ten minutes" Derek said, looking down at his watch.

"Yeah, you're right" Meredith sat up, still with her fingers tangled with his.

Derek sat up; he leaned in and kissed her, soft like they had been doing it their entire life. It had kind of came across as quite a surprise to Meredith, but she hadn't backed away. It was the moment she had been waiting what seemed like forever, since Addison had shown up. This was it. She had to tell him.

"Um… can I tell you something? Although it really makes no difference if you say no because I have to tell you" Meredith said.

"What is it?" Derek asked her.

"Erm… I... I think I might be pregnant. But I … Erm haven't taken any tests yet so I'm more than likely wrong. I think that I might want to do this… I don't know maybe... But you can be as involved as you want so... yeah" Meredith explained, sitting herself against the headrest. A little scared of what his reaction would be.

"Mer... this is great" Derek smiled, kissing her hand which was still in his.

"What? You said you never dreamt of having kids with Addison!" Meredith reminded him of what he had said just two weeks before.

"But you're not her" Derek smiled. "Why don't you go do the test before we head to work?"

"Really? You think I should?" Meredith asked, climbing out of the bed.

"Yeah you should. And I'll wait outside until your done" Derek walked round to her, leading her down the hallway into the bathroom.

"Okay" Meredith smiled, following him.

"Good luck" He closed the door for her and waited. He was definitely hoping for the best. Starting a family with Meredith was something he had always dreamt about. She was his future.

……………….

Meanwhile at the hospital. Cristina, George and Izzie were roaming the corridors.

"How come Mer hurried us out of the house?" Izzie asked, looking at Cristina who was sipping from a coffee cup.

"Ugh … there's not even any exciting surgeries today, nothing to brag to her about" Cristina answered stopping and looking at the empty board.

"Where is she anyway?" Izzie crossed her arms.

"Don't know… I thought she'd already gone when I left, the house was silent" George looked at Izzie.

"Hey, have any of you seen Dr.Shepherd yet?" Alex approached them.

Cristina immediately turned to Izzie. "She so lied"

"I'm missing something?" George wondered.

"He must've still been there" Izzie replied.

"You think she's told him?" Cristina asked.

"She might've done" Izzie nodded, they both parted ways leaving George and Alex puzzled.

"Were we a part of that conversation?" Alex asked him.

"People have got to finish their stories" George said, looking toward Alex and walking away.

……………..

Back at the house. Meredith stood in front of the bathroom mirror. She wasn't sure of what she wanted. Right or wrong. She knew that whatever happened, Derek would always be there. Derek looked at his watch. Damn they were now late for work. Just as he went to knock on the door, Meredith walked out. She looked up at him, reached for his hand and placed the test into it. Derek starred at her for just a second, and then focused his eyes. Meredith started to bite on her bottom lip. After studying, Derek looked over to her. A huge smile spread across his face. He grabbed her, swinging her round and round. Putting her down, He kissed her.

"We can do this" Derek nodded, taking Meredith's hands.

"We can" Meredith smiled, pulling him in. Smothering each other in kisses.


End file.
